And now for a fresh break with some fresh Breaks

I had tons of fun making these quick tunes over the past few days:

http://www.neophiliac.com/music/weirdkinh.mp3
http://www.neophiliac.com/music/unknown_sojourn_into_dawn.mp3
http://www.neophiliac.com/music/smash_loop.mp3

So much fun that I might have thrown my back out, from leaning over my laptop on the coffee table and rocking out with my headphones on. Party time!!!!!

Criminal Venture, part 4: the interview

"That's right," said Abe. "We are. And I think we have just what yuo're looking for."

Shimko realized he'd stopped breathing, and started again. For once he didn't say anything. It was no effort at all to be quiet and let Abe do all the talking. Shimko looked over at Bull. Bull started back at him with a tight squeezed face, and bulging eyes. This was some no-good magumbo. Stuff like this shouldn't happen in the real world, no-how. Shimko recalled some of his grandmother's stories, and suppressed a shiver.

"What's the project?" asked the main head. "For this sort of money, we would prefer more details."

"Can't tell you any more," said Abe. "That's all I know, myself. It must be pretty big, and they're definitely serious. These are big, made guys; there's no way they would expose themselves to their competitors like this unless it was such a big score that it would make their wildest dreams a sealed promise."

Shimko kept staring at the lead head's face. It was a lot more comforting to look there, then the rest of the freaky bastard. The head belonged old white guy in his fifties, fat in the neck, with a small bit of a combover stranded alone on the expanse of his otherwise gleaming head.

The head sighed. "Very well. Conditions are such with ourselves, that this sum is now nearly all we have. Without it, we are unlikely to last long; but with it, we are likely to last only a little longer. So, if this situation is as good as you say it is-"

"It is," said Abe. "You know I wouldn't lie to you."

"We know you wouldn't," said all the heads at once. "Because you know you could hide nowhere if you did."

"-if it as good as you say it is," the main head continued alone, "this remains our best and only chance."

The spider-thing turned around on it's 8 legs, and retreated into the blackness. There were some digging sounds, and then it reappeared with a chest.

"Behold our treasure," said the thing. Abe reached forward. The spider-thing withdrew. "No, not for you. YOu could not defend against a puppy." Another leg reached out towards Shimko, almost close enough to touch. "YOu," it said.

"What?" said Shimko. His body was almost calm enough now to deal with this. Breathe, he reminded himself.

"You take care of this for us, and make this happen, and there will be rewards in it for you. You and your cold-hearted friend, the large fellow who thinks he can't be seen behind you."

"What kind of rewards?" said Shimko.

"Shh!" said Abe. "Don't antagonize him! Sorry, sir-"

"Quiet. You tire me. Men are talking," it said. "The kind of wealth that would make all of this around you, commonplace."

Not quite the best sales pitch, Shimko thought to himself. "I get where you're going. OK. We talking share?"

"Yes, share. An equal share to Abe's." Abe looked like he was about to choke, but kept his mouth shut. "And it will also be only fair for you to share in Abe's fate, should you disappoint us."

"That's a language I understand, boss," said Shimko. "Expected. Natch. Deal."

"Good. There is one other part of the bargain, then. My daughter will-"

"No!" said Abe.

"I said quiet!" the old man's head raged. A leg whipped out like lightning. Abe jumped back, and only caught the edge of a claw across his chest.

"You can't," said Abe. "She doens't belong in this."

"She may be your niece, but she is my child," said the old head. "She will accompany our family's fortune. If our wealth disappears, she will die anyway, as will we all.

"Why?" said Bull. Shimko turned, a little startled. You never knew when the big lug will speak.

"That is not your concern," said the old head. "Now get out of here before more of my mouths get hungry."

They walked back into the light, and watched as the circle of darkness shrunk and faded back into what seemed just an ordinary wall.

"This is totally unacceptable!" said Abe.

"Looks like we're accepting it, so I don't know what you're talking about," said Shimko.

"We cant' take her!" said Abe. "She's- she's a liability! You've seen how pretty she is. She'll just be a distraction."

"Really? I like distractions...but that don't even matter. The....guy in there said she goes. I want my share. I don't think he's disposed to argue about it. You want to go in there and give him what-for? Be my guest. I'll give your share to Bull."

"Well of course that won't work," Abe said irritably. He looked down at the ruined suit over his chest. "We'll just leave her behind somewhere safe and not tell him."

"He seemd to think not anywhere was safe," said Shimko.

"Well that's just paranoi-"

The wall behind them exploded in dust and splinters. The shockwave knocked them flat to the ground. Shimko hung barely onto consciosness, face down into the rubble. He realized with some dazed pride that he had still held onto the money.

"There they are!" he heard. He looked through the smoke, and saw the skintight black flak-uniforms of the InterCity Private Police. They started climbing through the rubble of the hole they'd blown, in what otherwise looked like an ordinary alley.

Shimko pulled out his heater.

"Put that down!" Yelled the closest cop. "You can't even hurt us with that!"

Shimko pointed it in the air. "I don't understand, officer-" he said. He fired overhead, at the section of the wall right above the hole. A large chunk of debris slammed down on top of the police.

"Fire at will" Shimko heard. He proceeded to get the hell out. He paused halfway around the corner to the hallway, and saw that Bull still lay unconscious behind him. Shimko cursed. he knew he had no choice; brothers were brothers. He put the money around the corner, and hurried back to help the Bull.

The pile was starting to move. Must be the latest generation of cop suits. And he'd left his can opener at home.

Abe started coming to. "What- who-"

"Shut yer yap and give me a hand!" yelled Shimko. Bull wasn't light even on a diet. And the last diet he'd been on was during that salmonella epidemic in the Juvenile Prison System breakfast nook at County.

"Time to go," said Abe. He got up and headed for the hallway.

"You slime-" Shimko screamed. He looked back. ONe of the cops was brushing off the last of the rubble, and was just starting to raise his gun -

When the girl appeared. She turned around the hallway, hair flying, face in a fierce and angry grimace. She raised her arm and...

bright, searing heat and light such as Shimko had never seen or felt shot out, and hit the first cop in the chest. Protective uniform or no, he flew out of the hole and back into the alley. The impossible lightning from the young girl's arm continued. It aimed now at the other two police still struggling from the debris. They two were picked up and swept away. "Fall back!" Shimko heard a cop's voice cry, from beyond the wall. "What the hell was that?" he heard another cop's voice ask.

That's a damn good question, said Shimko. For once he agreed with the cop.

The blue-and-purple flame and light went away. The girl fell to the ground, exhausted.

"Abe," said Shimko. Abe stared down at the girl. "ABE!" Shimko yelled. Abe turned to him.

"Pick her up, and get moving!" Shimko said. "That's only going to hold 'em back until they get thru to base and get more support."

Abe picked up the girl."She's breathing normally," said Abe. Shimko looked over at him, irritated.

"Whoop-te-doo!" said Shimko. "You know a way out of here?"

"We can only try this way." Abe pointed the way down a hallway, the opposite way of how they had originally come into this place, that long time a few minutes ago back when Shimko had thought he understood reality.

"There's a private entrance the police might not know about, that enters into the sewer on 4th st."

"Hole to a sewer, huh? I can see how Spider-guy'd love that...Say, think there's any chance he can help us out with these cops?"

"Sadly, if he hasn't appeared by now, then something must have happened to him. He must be beyond our care..."

"Well then, don't just stand there!" said Shimko. Shimko went aronud the corner, and retrieved the treasure that had been put under his care. He put it over his shoulder, and huffed and heaved until he'd gotten enough of Bull up in the air that he could move.

They began to carry their unconscious burdens down the hallway, as quickly as they could.

"How far down this hall we got to go?" said Shimko, huffing.

"Patience!"

"Shove your patience," said Shimko. "That girl you're carrying probably ways a hundred pounds. I got to carry meatsack McLardass here."

They reached a doorway, and stepped inside. They were in a gaslit room at the top of a set of stone stairs, that led down to what looked like a river. An aged gondola waited there, tied with a rotting rope to a stone post. The smell immediately informed Shimko this was the sewer.

Abe swung the door shut behind them. It clicked shut, and the edges of the door and hinges then faded and disappeared.

"That won't keep them long," said Shimko. "They're real bloodhounds, especially after they got kicked like that from your innocent little niece here."

"I'm only too aware," sighed Abe. Abe carried the girl down a stairwell, and placed her into an aged gondola that waited in the sewer. he started to get in next to her.

"Hey!" said Shimko. "A little help here, huh? You want me to spread my brains across these stairs, taking Bull down 'em by myself?"

Abe sighed again, and walked back up. Together they helped the still-unconscious Bull into the gondola.

"It might have been better if you left him behind," said Abe.

"It might be better if you never say anything like that to me again," said Shimko. "And don't forget you still owe me money. That's coming out of your share. With interest. And add a new suit to it, too."

"Don't worry," said Abe, as he sat down and cut the rope holding the gondola to the post. "You'll have all plenty of opportunity to have a thousand suits worth twice your current rags, and any other set of clothes your taste should desire."

He took a pole out of the floor of the boat, and began to push them down the sewer. "That is, as long as we don't get killed."

Shimko shoved Bull Markham over a bit in the back of the Gondola, and took out a cigarette. He leaned back a bit on Bull's unconscious carcass, lit the cigarette. He gazed at the back of Abe's head thoughtfully. "Yeah, well," said Shimko. "There always is that, isn't there?"

(to be continued)

Criminal Venture, part 3: the interview

Abe led them through the sidewinding alleys and incomprehensible architecture through to the maze that was the Old City. There were old people here, people who'd held on to these buildings with tight fists in the hope the property might be valudiable one day - or simply because they were too stubborn to move. Like their very souls had been mortared into place by the original brick-work of these buildings.

"And someone around here has that kinda money?" Shimko said, doubtful. "You better not be shining me on, or you might have another size 11 leather dinner."

"Take a look yourself," said Abe. He led them down one alleyway so old, it actually had moss on it's cobblestoned path. They came into an inner courtyard. "There it is," Abe said. He walked over to a dark corner, and opened an old wooden gate. "Come on in," said Abe.

"How about you go first?" said Stinky. he would never admit it, but the place was starting to get to him. He'd never been this deep in the Old City before. Never seemed to be any percentage in it. He was just starting to realize how much he didn't even realize he didn't know.

"Scared?" said Abe, smiling.

"You wanna find out?" said Stinky. He pushed his suit sleave back, to reveal a tensed up arm with a fist at the end.

"Fine, fine," said Abe. He went inside. Stinky took a breath and took stock of himself. There was no way he couldn't go in, now, no matter what was on the other end of that door. "You bring up the rear, Bull, and watch out for any nonsense," he said. He readjusted his collar and stepped forward.

In the doorway, he suddenly was in a garden. He looked around, bewildered. The walls had been brick before he stepped in; but now, on the other side of them, they were glass. He could see the alleyway that he had stepped in. Ahread there was a checkerboard marble tiled floor, that led to a carved wooden stairway which split to left and right at the top. The left and right sections led through more old, old, very classy and certainly very expensive hallways which led past shelves of books, sculptures and curiosities.

Stinky looked back at the walls, bewildered.

"Holographs," explained a pert female voice. He looked around and saw a cute young red-headed girl, probably like 19. Too cute. With a large golden bracelet taking up most of her right forearm. It kind of set off her red hair, too. Shimko didn't like that. That's because Shimko liked girls, a little too much. He avoided them as much as he could, while still being a tough guy. he knew inside that for the right woman, he would do anything he wanted.

"It's ok, for a cheap trick," Stinky Shimko responded. Never let them know you're impressed. The girl laughed, tho. "Oh yes, it only costs a million a year to maintain. I'm sure you spend that just on coffee."

"Don't get wise, chickee," said Stinky. "let's cut to the chase. Where's the money man? We're looking for investors."

She frowned. "How do you know I'm not an investor?"

"Same way you know I ain't a ballerina. 'Cause I ain't."

She turned to Abe. "Uncle Abe, are you sure these are the kind of men my grandfather should see?"

Abe turned to her. "Yes, my dear. Strange as it may seem, these are just the sort of men we need."

She looked doubtful. "Well I'll be in my office."

"Perhaps we'll chat later. This way, Mr. Shimo and Mr. Durham?"

"Why, certainly, Mr. Deadbeat This-better-not-be-baloney," said Shimko. "Later, doll. Watch out who you talk to."

"If I may return some advice, watch out how you talk, Mr. Shimko," she said. She started toying with her large golden bracelet. "As you can see from the walls of this house, what looks one way can be suddenly surprising."

Bull and Stinky followed Abe up the stairs, and on down the hallway. Stinky felt a need for a shot of stim or a grass cig. He suppressed it.

"'Uncle Abe'?" Stinky said. "You been holding out on me. You're related to this kind of money, and you didn't pay me back right away?"

"If I had this kinda money, I wouldn't've had to borrow from you in the first place, now would I?th" said Abe.

"Watch the tone deadbeat," said Stinky. Bull grunted affirmation.

"This is my sister's family. They didn't like me. Now that I got this deal to go to them with, I can get in though. this can set me up, if it's done right. Now that I gotta do it with you-"

"Damn right you do," Shimko stuck in.

"-We need to do this as smoothly as possible. Got it?"

"Oh, I got it," said Stinky. "Just you better get my money and then some. Where's the cat with the cash?"

"Right behind this door," said Abe. "Now, stay calm."

"Sure I can stay calm." said Stinky.

"Good. Right through here-" Abe pointed down a hallway. "You first," said Stinky. Abe sighed, and started down the hallway.

They were barely 3 strides in when a hole opened, and Stinky and Bull sunk straight down into a sticky net.

"Stay right there," said Abe. "He'll be with you in a minute." And then he laughed. It was a kind of crazy, unnerving cackle that Stinky didn't really feel like hearing right now.

"You're dead, you know that?"

"Sshhh!" said Abe. "He doesn't like loud sounds. They make him irritable." Stinky looked off into the distance.

A spider with a human head was coming near him. As it got closer to the light coming through the hole in the seeing, Stinky saw another couple of heads. A couple seemed dead; they had newer heads growing from them, kind of like mushrooms growing from the side of a rotting tree.

"Helllooo," said one of the heads. "We understand you're offering a startup investment. We are....starving for such an opportunity."

All the heads gave forth a similar sort of hissing laugh. They barely had enough lung capacity, stinky guessed. Ah well. Maybe he should offer the ma cigarette so they'd run out and choke.

(to be continued)

Criminal Venture, part 2

Abe tried to speak, but only coughed and sputtered. "Answer me already!" Stinky demanded. Bull pointed wordlessly to Stinky's foot, and Stinky realized was still on Abe's larynx. Stinky removed his foot, slightly embarassed.

Abe's diction was a bit labored due to Stinky's size-11 impression on his larynx - but Stinky's face showed no patience for him to heal. Abe squeaked out "It's those guys at the Urban Detox. They're getting some big thing together. No one knows what."

"So why the hell you in our territory, without our money?" said Stinky. "Again."

"I...I figured if I could find them an investor..."

Bull and Stinky looked at each other. "Someone around here has 5 megaclams just to throw around?" Stinky yelled. "And you didn't even tell us about it?"

"Yes! But not give away! Invest." Abe spat, and sat up. "I'd front for the investor. They poney up, I take the risk, and we throw in. When it's done I give 'em back their money plus interest and even pay you back." He wiped some dirt off his sidewalk-pressed suit. "All I gotta do is find a sick bastard to join their crew."

"And where you gonna find the sick bastard?"

"Actually," said Abe, "I was kinda thinking of you."

Stinky stared at him for a second. He laughed. "You got sand, Abe! Me, work for you? I should stamp you flat just for that."

"You could get back all the money I owe you-"

"-which you better give me anyway, if you like breathing-"

"-Plus five times more," said Abe.

That stopped Stinky in his tracks. "Whaddayou think, Bull?"

Bull frowned. "Tough fuckers," he exclaimed. That was almost a speech for Bull.

"Yeah, true," Stinky said. "The Urban Detox crew don't screw around." Urban Detox was a store and meeting place created for new-age urban hipsters. They sold teas and techniques to bless the bad vibes of urban living right out of people's auras. They started up as a small store on Main, and in recent years had exploded across the country. Their gimmicky new-age stuff actually seemed to work - at least for taking out the urban stress. The irony was that their stores were great for people meet up who've had their bad vibes blessed out - they just love to commit crimes.

The Urban Detox crew had liked the chain. They bought into it, and helped spread the chain through all sorts of not-at-all-legal means. The Urban Detox chain was a great investment for any criminal entrepreneurs - a great way to recruity go-getters who weren't do-gooders. They had all been rolling in the dough until the Homeless Brigade got pissed at the disappearing miserable vibes, and decided to swamp the Urban Dextox joints with more crappy vibrations than a bunch of Bay Area investors could be expected to handle. This was called the "Colt war " - not because colt guns were used, but because the Homeless Brigade left empty bottles of colt .45 everywhere they went.

Stinky could have been in on the ground floor as an investor, but he had decided it just wasn't his style. Later as he saw them opening all over the place, he tried to tell himself he didn't regret it.

Yeah. He'd love to get in on the ground floor - and maybe get a little close to those jerks who'd done so well without him.

"Where's our investor?" Stinky asked Abe. The call had been made; Bull turned to Abe as well.

(continued)

The radio

It just appeared before me, like some forgotten monolith from my grand-aunts' and uncle's house, crossed with Space Station Xanadu.

The combination was kind of...monolicious.

It told strange things and tales. Alien music groups; temp agencies for superhuman assassins; leftovers from armageddons which Gods keep in their fridge...invisible lands sandwiched between the air; arts of diplomancy...and more, on every different channel.

I decided, why not share some of them with you?

Some of these things might not make sense in your reality. At least, not yet. Don't worry. If it isn't clear now, the answer is in another dimension...that's right around the corner.

Criminal Venture, part 1: Initial Public Enemy Offering!

Stinky Shimko reached for his wallet. Another man was holding it, but it was Stinky's now. That's because Stinky had his foot firmly holding the other man's throat to the sidewalk.

"Stinky..." the wallet donor gasped. "Could you...why don't we..."

"Shaddap," Stinky explained. He started going through the wallet. Stinky's business associate Bull Markham fidgeted slightly, bored. Business as usual.

Bull was a big Irish-Welsh mutt with a face like a bulldog who rarely said more than a word at a time. Stinky was nearly his exact opposite - a tall whip-thin half-Japanese half-Italian gangster who called himself a GuiNip. Stinky and Bull got along great together because they always knew exactly where each other stood - Stinky had all the answers, and Bull never asked any questions.

"You hadda show your face here again, Abe," Stinky said to the man beneath his shoe. "Don't you know what I gotta do now? I just had this suit cleaned. And you don't even have enough your wallet to cover it."

"Inconsiderate," agreed Bull.

"Disrespectful," Stinky furthered. "We told you to beat it once, Abe. What the hell are you doing back in our-" Stinky found a folded-up piece of paper in the unfortunate Abe's wallet.

"What the hell's this?" Stinky asked. He started reading it aloud. It said:

Criminal Venture Capital! Intended Audience Put it this way - if you're a cop, stop reading and start running. Unless you're on the take, in which case see subsection "c". Mission statement We rob stuff, so's we can provide the absolute best for our customers - ourselves. This Thing of Ours We are the guys who were in that other thing last year. We are planning this new thing here. And due to Greasy Tony losing big at craps last year, and then the game getting busted thanks to a certain songbird who shall remain headless, we are looking for investors. We got a big haul planned. How big? We gonna be the Bill Gates of robbing muthafuckas. How we gonna do it You're nuts if you think we're telling you. That's how. What you need to get in: 1. Moolah This'll take $50 mil to set it up. You get one share of the haul for each $5 mil. 2. Bastids Every one of you rich bastids can front the cash, nominates 5 of their favorite sick killer bastids. We look over their resumes, and pick 2 sick bastids for every rich bastid. Any extra skillsets we need, we take referrals from their talent agencies. Yeah, agents - everyone's a big shot now. 3. Broads You might want to start lining up the broads to count your money in they underwear. ROIJ (Return on Investment, Jerky) Payout at 10 to 1 per share, guaranteed. Guaranteed how? Every one of us, you and the team o' sick bastids is getting some sorta Snake Plissken tiny bombs put in they neck. You know, "Escape From New York"? Anyone starts acting stupid,Boom! Instant dead fuckup. Lotsa dry-cleaning. If you never seen “Escape From New York”, go see it. How you gonna invest without research? Done deal Once we count up the haul, we'll even launder it right into a great offshore account for each one of you. It’s an IRA - with the IRA. Just don't let 'em invest it in potatoes, beer or bullets and you're home free. Questions There better not be any more goddamn questions. In Conclusion We look forward to robbing great business together. Appendix As in, we gonna rip yours out with a rusty fishhook if you don’t ante up in the next 24 hours. Subsection a: Past success The thing 2 years ago: fuhgedaboutit. The thing 5 years ago: like butter. The thing 6 years ago: rated “Bada bing!” by the Five Families Index Subsection b: Tax deduction Anyone of you even thinks about this near the taxman, and we deduct your head. Subsection c: Capiche? Cops stink. But if you got $5 mil, you musta done somethin right. List who you did it for, or start shopping for a coffin.

"Well?" said Stinky. "I'm waiting." The hapless Abe motioned to indicate that the lack of a shoe on his windpipe would greatly aid his speaking.

(to be continued)